Death and Drinking

I am home alone, after a fairly mundane night shift. The girl is at school, and I feel pretty odd. I should be asleep, but I cannot settle. I am overthinking about death. Not suicide or anything, but people I love dying... its quite disturbing now.  I keep on having visions of terrible car accidents... Continue Reading →

Books and chocolate

Today I feel rather down, and my head is playing tricks on me. I felt extremely paranoid and angry this morning, there is no clear trigger... So, I am reading and eating chocolate before school pick up to try and make myself feel better. I love to read. I read a lot. At the moment... Continue Reading →

230 Days Sober

I dunno why today feels like an achievement, but 230 days sounds pretty good to me. I am present and healthy to take my daughter to school without the fear that people can smell booze on me, physically I look well, you wouldn't know anything about me, just by looking. Today I am feeling pretty... Continue Reading →

6 Months August 2017

Oh my goodness! 1st Aug = 6 months sober for me! I feel like something has finally stuck this time. I never Have to drink again.  I don't Ever have to feel as bad as all that Again! Wow ... I will never forget the sickness, the hallucinations and the shame and humiliation I have... Continue Reading →

28th May Job

I'm sat watching Meg and Steve playing in the sea. Everything is good right now. I'm still feeling really settled and blessed. I'm kind of waiting for my mind to go haywire again, and mess things up... But for today, its all lovely. I have also got myself a job! This is a MAJOR thing... Continue Reading →

Open Heart

Home from retreat, what a wonderful experience it was. I think I've really learned a lot, especially about empathy and how all people are just trying to meet their own basic needs. I feel new and refreshed and more equipped for my life. I'm also hopeful it will improve my relationships, especially with Steven and... Continue Reading →

On Retreat

I have arrived at my retreat for the weekend. I have turned off my phone, and I feel peaceful already. I am staying in the beautiful garden in a basic shepherd's hut. Just a bed, a table and a lamp. I love it. I have my journal and my colouring book. I'm ready. I hope... Continue Reading →

27th April 12 weeks

85 days sober... that's 12 weeks! Wow, I haven't been this long for such a long time, probably before Meg was born. Lately everything has been coasting along quite nicely, we had a lovely holiday to Cornwall at Easter time. I've been sewing more, going to yoga and also I have started running! Check me... Continue Reading →

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