12th March

I’m really struggling today. I’m up and down within hours – no, sometimes minutes! Its hard to try and stay in control.  Right now I’m feeling really Angry with the husband, for no actual reason. my blood is boiling!

I’ve gotten out of the house to read alone and write for a bit, as I know my mood will change soon enough. I just need to focus on something else and Not react.

My appointment for the CMHT is on Thursday 16th, not long to go. I have filled in the personality questionnaire, it makes my behaviours really stand out when they are on paper in front of me! I was going to show it to Steve, but changed my mind. Anyway, am hoping to get some clear answers on Thursday.

40 days sober tomorrow. Once again I am feeling the physical benefits, but mentally I am all over the shop! Up and down, really not feeling very settled at all.  I could quite easily have a drink or take some pills, just to feel normal – I never feel normal… what is my normal? I wish I knew.

Monday tomorrow, and I’m hoping to sew. I’m looking forward to this. At least I’m getting pleasure from something, I just want to feel settled.

Suddenly I am feeling blessed and grateful. I’m full up with love for my life and my family and friends. I AM BLESSED. I am sober, with Another chance. Maybe I can finally have peace and be happy.

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