We survived the weekend, sober and without incident. Meg and I kept busy, we saw friends and family, which was good. On Sunday we attended church, I’m not really sure how I feel about it anymore. It is nice while we are there, it makes me feel part of something, but I am not sure if I actually believe it God. I guess this could be a problem.
I’m trying to deal with my increasing anxiety and paranoia right now. I’m feeling pretty useless right now. I am feeling that people are watching me ,judging me, and talking about me. This is really upsetting and it makes me want to isolate myself which I know is dangerous for me. I am learning to recognise these thoughts and not to drink to block out the pain. Sometimes I think of not being here. Just to vanish, and see if anybody would actually care. My thoughts are pretty disjointed right now. I feel worried about myself.
I have a doctors appointment soon, to discuss my medication and also to get some bloods done.