24th March

Im feeling anxious and frustrated all the time , I’m struggling to stay on top of things, I am paranoid that the bloke is texting randoms again, I don’t know if this is based in reality or part of my past experiences. I haven’t got the confidence in our relationship to ask him whats going on, I feel as though we are sailing past each other lately.

My doctor has given me medication for anxiety, and also increased my antidepressant. I hope to feel some benefit soon. I am still having counselling about once a month, but I do wonder about how beneficial it all is. I know where all my issues stem from. I feel as though we have been over the same old shit time and time again. The doc also mentioned a service called ‘ Complex Needs ‘, but he said the waiting list is about 18 months long. Pah

Sometimes I don’t want to wake up. I actually don’t think anyone would care right now. My head is all over the place. I want some relief from my mind.

I have spent years and years numbing out my mind with alcohol and I guess now its about finding a different way of dealing with things. I am still sewing and meditating when I can. Also I have started Yoga recently. I do really like it, its difficult, actually its Power Yoga, but I am pushing myself to go, and once I get there I do enjoy it.

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