24th March

Im feeling anxious and frustrated all the time , I'm struggling to stay on top of things, I am paranoid that the bloke is texting randoms again, I don't know if this is based in reality or part of my past experiences. I haven't got the confidence in our relationship to ask him whats going on,... Continue Reading →

20th March

We survived the weekend, sober and without incident. Meg and I kept busy, we saw friends and family, which was good. On Sunday we attended church, I'm not really sure how I feel about it anymore. It is nice while we are there, it makes me feel part of something, but I am not sure... Continue Reading →

17th March Diagnosis

Well, Borderline Personality Disorder. I kind of knew this, its not great shock.  It certainly explains my behaviours over the past 20 years, my lack of self, not knowing who I really I am. I am emotionally unstable, this is true. I feel a bit relieved to be honest, as now I can try and... Continue Reading →

2nd March

Well, my period arrived, and I'm still sober! I'm feeling twitchy and on edge. This afternoon I will sew, as it really takes my mind off things. I am also listening to audiobooks a lot. I'm still waiting for an appointment with the mental health team, and I'm getting a bit annoyed now, I suppose... Continue Reading →

12th March

I'm really struggling today. I'm up and down within hours - no, sometimes minutes! Its hard to try and stay in control.  Right now I'm feeling really Angry with the husband, for no actual reason. my blood is boiling! I've gotten out of the house to read alone and write for a bit, as I... Continue Reading →

20th February

I'm craving for alcohol really badly today... But I will Not Give In. My emotions are really high and 'quick' today. my head is all over the place, my mind is just rushing on and on to the next thing. I am trying to remain steady and appear 'normal'. I have been reading and listening... Continue Reading →

13th February

Am in Costa, trying to get my head together. Its almost two weeks since my last drink, and already I am thinking about drinking!  Round and around we go! I have to keep myself together, and stay on top of things. I need to heal myself. For me, I cannot continue on the death ride... Continue Reading →

11th February

I've been to see my GP today and I have been referred to the community mental health team. I'm almost convinced there is something else wrong with me besides the alcoholism.  Today I am feeling really positive and I'm looking forward to the future, but two days ago I was barely functioning and almost suicidal!... Continue Reading →

6th February

Monday. Miss Meg is at preschool, I am sat in Costa people watching and writing. I've made the choice to give Steve my purse, so I have no access to cash, he's given me a fiver this morning. This is obviously a small and temporary measure, but it may be helpful for a while. Anyhow,... Continue Reading →

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