Eight Months

Happy October ! Today is 8 months sober for me, but Im not really feeling very good. I feel like Im heading for a disaster.

My head is all over the place and I feel angry and frustrated all the time. I feel sad and invisible.  Today I really just want to go back to bed.

We have friends coming over for lunch today, which is lovely, but Im just aware that I need to pretend that life is good and everything is ‘fine’. Its not fine… its really not. To be continued…

11 thoughts on “Eight Months

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  1. Your song resonates with me. Two amazing children (reading your last post you’re not alone either with crazy thoughts of death), a nice house etc etc but my head isn’t right. There are lots of funny moons messing with my gravity. We need to be strong and take ourselves out of the claustrophobic picture of the now. Just for a moment. I feel like a failure today. 9 days sober and I caved. But I just wanted to. Fed up of being a counter and denying myself something. But here I am too regretting it. This isn’t a story of me but a reminder of how strong you’ve been. You. Have been amazing. An inspiration. Don’t ever forget that. Sending love. MP

    1. Thanks for the reply sweetie.. Im just in such a funk right now. I feel bad for having bad feelings – when everything outwardly seems wonderful. 💜 I will continue to plod on, but its all an effort right now. Keep moving forward. Much love to you. Thanks so much

    2. Hug. You aren’t denying yourself anything when you don’t drink…you are giving yourself the gift of freedom. I know it’s hard to believe right now, but it is true.

  2. Omg. Ok. I’ve now read your entire blog. It screams of ‘me’ on so many levels. Echos the silence the noise the frustration and the anxieties. All of it. Know you’re not alone hon. Yoga meditation running. Hubs working. Feels wrong when I know others are shouldering real pain the other side of the world but maybe therein is the problem too. It’s not to look out. One must for ones own survival, look in. Bless you and hang in there hon. Some days I think we just need to ride. Like a ranch pony. A cheeky one.

  3. So sorry that you are feeling like that. On the flip side, 8 months is AAAAAHMAZING!!!! I get into funks myself and I get how awful it is and sometimes it’s hard to get out. Hoping you feel better soon–sending virtual hugs ❤

  4. Hope your lunch went well and wasn’t too emotionally draining. You’ve done really well, and whatever else happens you can be proud of that. Xx

  5. Eight months is awesome…and it’s also enough time that the reality of life that we have been numbing becomes clearer.
    You will be ok. Just take some time to be gentle with yourself. Have a bubble bath. Sleep.
    Things will look different.
    Anne

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