Lately I am feeling angry, and Very Tired. I cannot work out if I’m physically tired, or emotionally drained…Or perhaps both?
I get very shouty with the girl, and I’m aware that I have said hurtful things when I’m frustrated, about me getting on a bus and not coming back. It just spews out of me, I cannot stop it, and there is instant regret. I don’t mean it, of course, but I really think I could do with a break from the norm.
I feel like I’m just ‘ mummy ‘ all the time, and it certainly doesn’t come easily to me. I am drowning in what I think I ‘ should ‘ be doing – even though I know it’s all in my head. (BPD). I am putting too much pressure on myself, and I always fall short.
Already I am fretting about Christmas – I really don’t want to do the same old blah, blah, blah with my in-laws. I feel insecure and inadequate.
Whatever I do never feels good enough – in my mind – I guess this is why I feel so tired?
Yesterday evening I went to bed at 7pm, and slept for 12 hours solid. I still feel like crap though! I will walk the pup soon, and get some fresh air.
It’s not all that bad, and I do recognise my blessings. I am sorry for moaning, but some peace from my shouty mind would be great.