I’m heading for a crash! I can feel it. My head is pounding all the time. Every day lately is a cycle of crying and screaming, crying and shouting. And then I feel numb. It’s all too Much, or it’s absolutely Nothing. I just want to sleep and sleep.
Every day I start off positive that things will be better, today it will be different, but I always seem to end up crying. Or shouting and screaming. I’m learning to cry silently now, so as not to upset anyone. I feel completely alone. I am fighting a battle in my own head, and it’s exhausting. I am angry and desperately sad.
I have been to my doctor, and she changed my medication, so I’m hoping that all the feelings will calm down soon.
I am doing my best not to wallow, I’m still practicing my meditation and obviously I’m writing. I am aware of the good things – BUT – the frustration and the sadness is sucking me in. I am also aware that I’m shutting the husband out, but I can’t seem to help it… I feel resentful towards him, and I don’t even know why!?
Damn my stupid mind. I think that maybe they’ll be better off if I did get on that bus…
In other news I am sending people small gifts through the post, in the hope that they’ll feel special, just so they know they are loved. I find it strange that I can do this when I am feeling so much hurt and anger lately. I am working on the hope that one day all the good vibes I send out will come back to me?