I am awake at 5 am… It gives me some peaceful time before the madness of getting ready for school/work/etc…
I have been thinking of my depression and trying not to wallow in it I guess. I’m fully aware of All the amazing things I am blessed with, but sometimes I just can’t get thankful, and I am frustrated by this. I’m kind of beating myself up over my depressed episode.
We are heading away for Christmas. I absolutely Cannot wait for this. Just Us. In a cottage in Wales for a week. I am grateful to my husband for recognising my need to get away this year and making it a reality.
I met up with a friend last week, and it didn’t take long for me to get upset. I think she was shocked… I was tired and emotional. She told me she saw me as a ‘coper’ One who Copes. Ha, that’s a good laugh… I have Never felt like I’ve coped with anything in my life, but apparently to the outside world I’m very stoic and I just get on with things! Who knew?
This brings me to wondering, what I’m supposed to do to let people know that I am not ‘coping’ so well…. My go-to would have been to Drink to obtain a reaction from people… ‘ ahh , she’s Obviously Not Coping ‘, But Now? I’m figuring out that so many people are ‘coping’ , when in fact they are just balanced on the edge… Just holding on, and hoping someone will grab their hand and pull them up.
I want someone to recognise my pain, without me having to Act Out.
I’m feeling better this morning, I will face the challenges of my day and I will keep moving forward. Time for a shake up and some fresh air because I haven’t left the house for three days.