This photo is ten minutes after my panic over going out for a meal with my in-laws. Needless to say, I didn’t end up going…
I got myself all dressed up for the evening, I was feeling really good about myself. Then the text messages began… ‘ what are you wearing? ‘ etc. I soon realised that all the girls were going casual in jeans and jumpers, and I was dolled up in a dress and heels. My heart sank, and my head span, I felt sick with panic and nerves all of a sudden.
I felt Stupid to have gone to all that effort and now all of a sudden, paranoia and fear gripped me. I just couldn’t leave the house.
This is how my mental health affects my life, sometimes it actually stops me doing things. I was really looking forward to going out and being with my in-laws, but my over reaction to a text message caused it all to implode and the anxiety won last night.
This morning, I still feel useless and pathetic. I am overwhelmed with intense emotions, and I’m overplaying things in my head. I feel ridiculous for even bothering to make myself look nice for a night out. Everything is hurting…
Suddenly I feel as low as possible, and it all seems so pointlessly stupid.
I just want to stop worrying and caring what other people are Thinking of Me. I don’t want to seek validation from others, but I guess, deep down that need to feel accepted is always there.
I believed that I was improving, I was really on the up and getting somewhere, and now I feel as if I’m at square one again.
How quickly it all changes?
I want to shut myself away and not speak to or see anybody, as I can almost feel the fear and anxiety seeping out of me. I feel jittery and on edge, and it’s exhausting.