I get obsessed with things very easily. It is a part of Borderline Personality Disorder, and normally it manifests itself, for me, with a new hobby, that generally fizzles out quickly OR when the next thing catches my eye.
I tend to get very involved – I buy all the books, or all the gear associated with my new ‘thing’.
I am actually getting better at spotting the signs now, that I’m becoming fixated on something, so I can control it to a degree, and don’t spend as manically as I used to. Take sewing for example… Two years ago, I became obsessed with sewing and I had to buy all the things! The attic is full of fabric, scissors, sewing boxes, books, a machine, more fabric… I did A Lot of sewing for about a year or so, it consumed me, was all I thought about, then all of a sudden, I lost interest. Just like that. I was actually quite good at sewing too, so I hope to rekindle my interest one day.
Next came Yoga, and so it began again. It is a common trait of people with BPD, starting things, but not sticking with it.
Oh , and I used to get hooked on people too, and not always the decent sort of people! As I’ve gotten older, this doesn’t happen a great deal, but it certainly did when I was younger, and felt alone all the time. I clearly remember latching onto people that showed me a scrap of attention and they became everything to me… Male or Female. My self esteem was a zero then, so it didn’t matter if that person was no good for me, as I Needed that crumb of affection.
Occasionally, even now, I look at people, and think ” oooh, we should be Best Friends ” HA! Thankfully though, some things about Borderline Personality lessen over time, or you can better manage them?
On the plus side, I am fiercely passionate about things I believe in, and I will always fight your corner if you need me to.
Mostly I manage my symptoms by staying sober, and practising mindfulness daily. I am learning to become more aware of what is a part of the disorder and to better deal with a situation before it becomes a mental health relapse or worse. I try to be open about how I’m feeling to people so that I can stay grounded in reality and not get lost inside my head.
Writing certainly helps me. ❤