I am still feeling pretty low, and I’m struggling with nightmares again. In my head, I am replaying trauma, and I have intrusive thoughts of my own death… Although I am NOT suicidal.
On the surface, I’m just ‘ FINE ‘ – but deep down I feel troubled and paranoid almost daily.
I’m struggling to find enjoyment in reading, it’s very frustrating, as reading is my go to thing. I just cannot seem to concentrate at the moment.
The Drink Demon seems to be screaming louder every day, and honestly I am drawn to the oblivion it will bring me. I am making a Gigantic effort right now.
This weekend Meg and I attended a family birthday party followed by a meal out. It was okay, but inside I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of dread and unease. At times it was physically painful… Anyhow, I survived without incident, and I’m glad I went.
It’s my Birthday this week. I will be 39 and this doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I feel proud of myself for making it this far, for not giving up on myself. I Know that these years to come Will be my best years as I continue to stay sober!
I am a warrior and the fight goes on, although I do wish this battle with myself wasn’t so exhausting.
I just need to come through this depression… SOON