Can’t Fall Apart

I’m clinging onto my sanity by a thread. I am exhausted constantly now.

I am doing my best, every day, to maintain a level of normality, mostly just for the girl’s sake… I feel like I’m falling down the rabbit hole. But I cannot Fall Apart.

I have been prescribed a new medication to help with the impulses, the rushing thoughts and suicidal ideation, But my doctor is currently unavailable, so I’m still waiting for the script to be signed off.

Oh the joys of mental health care!

My friends have been so supportive, and people are offering help if I need it. I feel so blessed and grateful, but oh so unwell and unworthy of the love right now.

I know that this intensity will pass – but I am often thinking of taking painkillers , to stop the mental pain I am feeling.

Instead, today I put on some make up to try and hide my pain, and I phoned in sick to work. I don’t think I am in any fit state to give care to others right now.

I am trying my hardest to use my skills to keep my emotions in check, and stay in touch with reality.

Later , I think I will try to have a hot bath, and find something easy to read, as I am struggling to concentrate lately.

Here’s looking forward to tomorrow. ❤🌈❤

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