Its been a tough couple of weeks around here. Im slowly beginning to feel like myself again, and coming back to the world. My mental health has not been at its best for a few months really, if im totally honest, and I have been scrambling around in the dark a bit. I have obviously tried to make people aware that I have been struggling, but was it enough? I don’t know…
In the news there have been a couple of high profile suicides and I am beginning to wonder if they spent many months crying out to people for help? Before becoming completely exhausted with it all, and totally believing there was no other way out, because nobody could hear them?
My own thoughts of suicide have escalated to such a point that there was a superficial overdose last week, which landed me in the hospital… I guess I just wanted the pain in my own mind to stop… I Do Not Want To Die!
So now, we are picking up the pieces As a family, and we are working together to make it better.
This week, I feel settled. I do not care what I am diagnosed with, in terms of my mental health, all I care about is how it makes me feel, and what I can do to make my symptoms easier on myself and my family.
The GP has upped my antidepressants, but hes also put me back on Quetiapine as a PRN, which means I can take it when I feel enormous distress. I feel better knowing its an option.
I am getting myself well, by maintaining my routine, staying sober, and reaching out. Always reaching out. I will not be silenced on this, no matter how uncomfortable it might make other people feel.
In other news, I am looking forward to attending a Pearl Jam concert next week, so excited about it! Big shout out to my friend Deb for putting me in touch with her friend who didn’t want to go alone!
Also we have Megan’s birthday party coming up. Shes invited pretty much her whole class, so this will be fun! Ha, actually my idea of Hell to be honest, but I will have lots of help, and Meg will love it.
My level of concentration is returning to normal again lately, which means I am able to enjoy books in their physical form without forgetting the last chapter Ive read which is great.
Here’s to the next couple of weeks, may they be filled with joy and laughter…