Mental illness + physical illness…

I’m depressed. I’m feeling all alone in a deep, dark place. My own mind is a dangerous place right now.

I am hurting physically with chronic pain in my back and my hips – I just want to shout and scream… Obviously I do Not, I continue to take my crappy meds and plod along with my life.

I’m still waiting for an MRI scan on my back and I feel so frustrated.

My depression and anxiety is hitting me hard this week, and I feel like a useless failure, I am so overwhelmed with anxiety.

My daughter and my husband deserve better than me, better than I can give.

Sometimes the suicidal thoughts come easily, and it’s getting harder to push those away. I look at Megan and I see her future… Will it be a fucked up mess like mine? Or, perhaps if I just let her go, will she lead a better Life?

When I look at Meg, I see Alice, and it continues to haunt me… I have nightmares that someone will take Megan away. I think, perhaps I need more counselling.

I long to be physically and mentally strong… I’m craving a good life.

I know that I am loved and cared for, I have a lovely group of friends and family, and I have to keep telling myself that I am worth it. I am worthy of their love.

Next week, if I am able, I will start an exercise class. I am hopeful. I want to be well.

4 thoughts on “Mental illness + physical illness…

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  1. Love to you. I am glad that you are writing about it. It WILL pass. Then you regroup, and keep moving forward. I have been here so many times, and you can do it girl. Keep writing, keep loving yourself. ❤You are strong.

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