Being Open

My mental health is not good right now. I'm really struggling to get a grip. It's been a few weeks since my meditation was changed Again and now my diagnosis is no longer Borderline Personality Disorder. I am diagnosed with clinical depression. I don't know what to do with this information, as everything on the... Continue Reading →

All the feelings

I'm struggling to sit with my strong feelings again. I'm finding it hard  not to react or explode in anger at the slightest thing... I am just back from walking the dog around the lake. I put my headphones in, and just walked, and let the emotions flow. There were tears of sadness, shame and... Continue Reading →

Memories of Madness

When I was drunk, I needed you, I hated you, I craved you, and I pushed you away... I begged you to stay with me, and screamed for you to leave. I asked you to love me, to never betray me, although I knew that you already did, A thousand times. I locked you in... Continue Reading →

Random Holiday Thoughts

Thursday It's very warm! A bit too warm for me! Today I will try to spend the entire day with my family, without my phone. I will attempt to have fun and be pleasant. I'm trying to get used to doing nothing and relaxing. I have my audiobook which I am desperate to get back... Continue Reading →

The Other Side Without Drinking

I think I am finally getting over the mental episode of the last two weeks. I still feel quite fragile, but I'm not going to burst into tears now. Yesterday I went out for a hot chocolate and a cake with Meg, which was lovely, and last night I began putting together a playlist for... Continue Reading →

Can’t Fall Apart

I'm clinging onto my sanity by a thread. I am exhausted constantly now. I am doing my best, every day, to maintain a level of normality, mostly just for the girl's sake... I feel like I'm falling down the rabbit hole. But I cannot Fall Apart. I have been prescribed a new medication to help... Continue Reading →

BPD Episode

My mental health is really suffering. I am angry, anxious, sad and lonely. Then as if by magic I feel nothing at all. While walking Milo today, I sobbed and sobbed. I can't carry on like this. I am exhausted with all the distress and stress in my head. I have been referred to the... Continue Reading →

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness that centers on the inability to manage emotions effectively. The disorder occurs in the context of relationships: sometimes all relationships are affected, sometimes only one. It usually begins during adolescence or early adulthood. While some persons with BPD are high functioning in certain settings, their private... Continue Reading →


Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 39 years old. It was a good day. Today is also a good day. I feel positive and bright again. I am overwhelmed by all the love shown to me for my birthday, and it helps me to realise that I'm not such a bad person after all.... Continue Reading →

Blog at

Up ↑